Cheri Spencer Haüg
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BREAKING NEWS from SSDD Network! February 2017 Edition

Don’t waste time watching the news on TV or staring at Face Book to stay up to date on current events! Read this every day this month to stay informed!

This just in: Trump said something: wrong / pro-Russian / not anti-Russian. CNN / ABC / CBS / NBC goes nuts.

A major storm hit: California / the Midwest / the South / the East Coast. The storm caused: major mud slides / 300 car pile-up.  Authorities report that: 3 / 10 / dozens / hundreds are left homeless / injured / dead. This just in: Trump held a press conference and said something self-congratulatory / divorced from reality / untrue.

A beloved: actress / actor / rock icon from the 70’s / politician dies. America mourns a great loss.

We interrupt this report with breaking news! Trump tweeted something: inaccurate / not anti-Putin / stupid that: wasn’t supported by the facts / is alternative facts / something he heard on Fox. CNN / ABC / CBS / NBC goes nuts. Trump: doubles down / walks it back / lashes out at the fake news.

A bunch of black folk finally won Oscars…This just in: Trump went on a Twitter rant about: Nordstroms / CNN / fake news / Saturday Night Live / NY times / FBI leaks.

Trump gives a speech to some organization and instead of addressing matters that concern that audience, says that: he won by a landslide / something was rigged / he’s treated unfairly. He goes on to say that: the crowd at some event he spoke at was the biggest in history / something is so great you wouldn’t believe / everything is going smoothly / leaks are illegal.

In other news, aliens have landed in Clearwater Florida in front of Scientology headquarters. Their leader, who called himself Xenu, asked to speak to Tom Cruise. It turns out L. Ron Hubbard wasn’t making that shit up. In other news, Trump tweeted something.

This just in: Trump said something else. There is no other news.

This has been Cheri Haüg reporting from SSDD News.

 

 


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